she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
