Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
