girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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