Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
