So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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