The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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