summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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