Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
