The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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