This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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