I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize