you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
