What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
