i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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