Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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