dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
