should my penis look like a turkey
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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