so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
