Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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