I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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