wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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