Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
