I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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