You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
