When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
