I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
