I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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