I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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