Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The air was thick with penises
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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