now i know why i became what i already was.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
