My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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