I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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