I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
