the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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