The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I could fuck to npr.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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