he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
