I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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