standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
