she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
