I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
