You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
