i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
