I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
