You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
