I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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