Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize