Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
