i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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