sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize