i think i have herpe
just one?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
