That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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