It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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