Your mouth is God's brothel.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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