I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
