It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
