I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
