I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
