Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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