i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize