so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
