I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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