Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
