dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
