I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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